People often begin self esteem and self criticism therapy after noticing something familiar inside — a sinking feeling after a small mistake, a tightening in the chest when someone offers feedback, or a quiet inner voice that speaks more harshly than they ever would to anyone else. These reactions can feel automatic and overwhelming, but they’re shaped by parts of you that learned long ago how to protect you, even if their methods now feel painful. Over time, this inner push–pull can shape how you see yourself and how much space you feel allowed to take.
A harsh inner critic doesn’t show up because you’ve done something wrong — it shows up because a part of you once needed to keep you safe by staying small, careful, or perfect. And low self-esteem often comes from the same place: moments when you needed someone to remind you that you were worthy and capable, and nobody was there to offer that steadiness.
These patterns are not character flaws.
They’re adaptations.
🌿How These Patterns Show Up in Everyday Life
Signs you might be carrying a tender mix of low self-esteem and strong self-criticism:
- You second-guess yourself, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
- You replay conversations, worried you said “too much” or “not enough.”
- You feel uncomfortable accepting praise — or don’t believe it at all.
- You take on too much, trying to prove your worth through doing.
- You feel a heaviness or pressure in your body when making decisions.
- You withdraw or shut down when you feel misunderstood or unseen.
- You keep striving, hoping that this time you’ll finally feel “good enough.”
Clients often tell me:
“I don’t know why I’m so hard on myself. I would never talk to someone I loved like this.”
But the truth is, these patterns formed for deeply understandable reasons.
🌿From an IFS Perspective: Why These Parts Feel So Loud
In Internal Family Systems therapy, self-criticism and self-doubt are not the enemy — they’re signals.
They’re parts of you working overtime.
- A critical part may push you to be perfect so you’re never hurt, shamed, or rejected again.
- A self-doubting part may try to prevent failure by keeping you cautious and small.
- A younger part may still carry old beliefs like “I’m too much” or “I don’t matter.”
- A protective part may tense your body, keeping you alert for disapproval or disappointment.
These parts aren’t trying to punish you.
They’re trying to keep you safe in the only ways they ever learned.
And they soften — beautifully — when met with compassion instead of pressure.
🌿How Healing Begins
Self esteem and self criticism therapy isn’t about forcing positive thinking or silencing the inner critic.
It’s about creating enough internal safety that these protective parts no longer have to work so hard.
Together we gently explore:
- Where these beliefs began
- How they protect you
- What your system fears would happen if they relaxed
- How your body responds when these parts step forward
- What more supportive, compassionate internal leadership can feel like
As space opens inside, something remarkable happens:
confidence grows from the inside out — not through striving, but through self-connection.
🌿You’re Not “Too Much” or “Not Enough” — You’re Tired of Carrying This Alone
If you’re noticing these patterns in yourself, know this:
You’re not failing.
You’re human.
And the parts of you that feel small, harsh, or scared deserve care — not criticism.
🌿When You’re Ready to Connect
If you’re curious about this work and want to explore whether it might help, you’re invited to reach out for a 15-minute connection call. It’s a quiet, pressure-free space to share a little, ask questions, and see how it feels to connect. You don’t have to know exactly what you need — we can figure that out together.
