The Experience of Overwhelm
I know overwhelm well. It’s not just a clinical concept or something I help my clients navigate—it’s something I experience, too. Like so many of us, I have parts that push me to keep going, to check one more thing off the list, to be productive even when my body and mind are screaming for rest. And I have other parts that feel the weight of it all, that long for slowness but struggle to claim it.
The Inner Conflict of Overwhelm
Internal Family Systems (IFS) teaches us that our internal world is made up of different parts, each with its own perspective and motivation. When overwhelm takes hold, it’s often because multiple parts are in conflict. One part may believe that slowing down is a luxury we can’t afford, while another part is desperate for space to breathe. And when these parts don’t feel heard or understood, they can get louder, pulling us in different directions until we’re completely exhausted. Sometimes, instead of pushing forward or carving out time to rest, I find myself falling into freeze mode—paralyzed by the sheer weight of it all, unable to move in either direction. This stuckness isn’t laziness; it’s a sign that my system is overloaded and needs care.
The Role of the Pusher Parts
I’ve noticed in my own experience that my “pusher” parts—the ones that thrive on productivity and accomplishment—often carry a deep fear. They worry that if I slow down, I’ll fall behind, or that I won’t be enough unless I’m doing something valuable. And beneath that fear, there’s often a young part of me that learned early on that being a high achiever equaled being worthy of attention and love.
The Overwhelmed Parts and Their Needs
On the other hand, my overwhelmed parts feel like they’re drowning. They don’t need to be told to “just take a break”—they need to be understood. They need reassurance that stepping back isn’t failure and that rest isn’t just allowed, it’s necessary. When I can pause and listen to these parts with curiosity instead of judgment, I create space for self-compassion. I can acknowledge that both the part pushing forward and the part craving rest are trying to help in their own way.
Moving Through Overwhelm with IFS
So how do we move through overwhelm with an IFS approach? The first step is simply noticing. When we feel that crushing weight, we can pause and ask: Who is speaking right now? Which part of me is feeling this? What is it afraid of? What does it need? This isn’t about getting rid of our parts—it’s about understanding them. The more we listen, the more we can find balance between productivity and rest, between striving and being.
You Are Not Alone
If you, like me, have parts that struggle to slow down, know that you’re not alone. Overwhelm isn’t a sign that something is wrong with us—it’s a sign that something within us needs attention. And when we take the time to listen, we can begin to move through it with more ease, more compassion, and more trust in ourselves.
